“You still talk to him???” Him being THE ex. The one with whom I thought I’d live out my happily ever after. He drops by for lunch every now and then too. My gal pals and woman kin always express shock, and in a few instances, mild horror, that the ex and I are in touch.
The evolution of our relationship has been questioned as follows:
He’s in love with you, right?
Are you holding out for a reconciliation??
Do you sleep together?
I’m happy to report that the answer to all of the above is a resounding NO!
Why is it so impossible to conceive that the ex and I are friends and nothing more? I’m thinking about it…
Maybe the secret to our post-love-of-my-life success lies in those very questions. We left our intimate past where it belongs. In the past. With the rest of the hurt, anger, and confusion. We do not reminisce about our physical relationship. We don’t dwell on that time we were in love. We hashed out the many reasons why we didn’t work out when we were going through the breakup. On that score, there’s nothing left to talk about.
I guess it helped that other people weren’t involved in the collapse of our relationship. That’s a whole other level of messy that can be a tad harder to work through. We were just two people who had got to a point from which we could go no further. It was over.
Sex with friends is tricky business. Sex with exes even more so. I haven’t met a person yet who didn’t regret the latter. I’m not about to add my name to that list. My life is complex enough. I won’t ever be that horny.
Settling into our friendship wasn’t all unicorns and rainbows, and it wasn’t immediate. I was really angry and I needed time to heal, to forgive him, and to forgive myself. I had no intention of ever speaking to him again, but a chance meeting in one of the last places I’d expect to see him reconnected us. And I’m glad it happened. He is one of only a handful of people who I would ever reach out to when I need help.
It’s still not all unicorns and rainbows though. From time to time, we get on each other’s nerves and tell each other off. The beauty of it is that he knows me and I know him and we get past it. Neither of us holds a grudge and maybe that too is why we’ve been able to make it as friends.
We have our inside jokes that nobody would understand, like the “Who am I? A mere turtle of reason…” thing. He still bores me with stuff I used to beg him to shut up about when I was trying to sleep. I still bore him with stuff like this blog (I wonder if he’ll actually click the link this time?).
We can debate almost any topic at length. However, our crushes/booty calls/significant others are never on the agenda. Of course, we talk about the dating scene and relationships in very broad terms but we do not get specific about our romantic attachments. His private affairs are his, and he respects mine in the same way.
When we hang out in my room, the mood is very different from the old days of burnin’ love. I sometimes find myself staring at him, trying to remember being in love with him, but the cells of my body and brain no longer make the connection. Perhaps, this is another reason why we can be friends. We’ve both forgotten what it was like to be in love with each other.
So, yes, people, it is possible for me to be in a platonic relationship with my ex. He’s a great guy and I wish him all of the Love, Joy, and Peace in the world.